FOOTPRINTS & RAINBOWS Pregnancy and Birth Support Services
  • Home
  • Meet the Doula
  • Packages & Prices
    • Placenta Encapsulation Photo Gallery
  • Contact Me
  • FOOTPRINTS & RAINBOWS Pregnancy, Birth and Postpartum Blog
  • What Do You Want From Your Birth?
  • FREEBIES & AFFILIATES
Jenna Edgley
Certified Birth Doula (CBD)
Placenta Encapsulator
Student Childbirth Educator
Rebozo Practitioner

A Raw, Open and Honest Admission

14/11/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture

Image courtesy of Pixabay



​I will never be the perfect doula for every single birthing person.

It's simply impossible for me, a human being just like you with all of my own faults and uniqueness and differences, to be absolutely perfect for everyone else regardless of their own faults, differences and uniqueness.

And that is ok.

It is why I offer no-obligation interviews FIRST before someone hires me, to make sure that I am a good fit for my clients, that I am the right doula for my clients, that they feel comfortable with me and the style of support that I offer as a doula.

This usually doesn't get to happen with backup clients, the clients that I'm called out to support on behalf of a colleague who is unable to stay at a birth, or unable to make it to a birth, for whatever reason.

These clients are another doulas clients, not my clients, I'm just there to help when it is needed.

They fit well, mesh well, feel comfortable with that doula that they chose and I'm a secondary emergency replacement that they may never have met before and have no experience with and it can be awkward, it can be difficult.
I try my best to support them well in the way that I 'feel' (from observing their body language) that they need but I don't always get it right, I don't always read a cue the right way or get the right spot with counter pressure, or say the right words, or sometimes I might suggest something that I think might help but they don't want anything to do with it and may feel upset or angry that I suggested it. They don't always tell me what they need either. It's hard, but I really do try my best.

For both of us it can feel like we've been thrown in at the really deep end of a diving pool without a floaty to keep our heads above the water. We're both trying to get through it, the mother is trying to birth her baby, her partner or another support person is trying to support her in whatever way she needs, and I, or any other backup doula, am trying to read cues and provide support when it's needed as it's needed and sometimes we get it wrong or because we're not their chosen doula what we do provide feels wrong to them.

I want to say that that is ok.
And it's ok to tell the backup doula to leave.
It's ok to say that you're not a good match and it's not working.
I also want to say please speak up too if you need/want something and the backup, or even your chosen doula, isn't doing it.
​We can't read minds, we don't always know what you need or want just by looking at you, by observing you. Sometimes we need to be told what you want or need before we can do it. We're human just like you and we can, and do, make mistakes, get things wrong.

I want to thank a particular mum, for whom I was the backup doula, for her honest feedback. Even though I had been expecting it it still felt brutal, but I can cope with that and learn from it. I did my best and tried so hard to provide good support, it just wasn't the right kind of support you needed, *I* just wasn't the right support person for you.
Thank you.
For being so honest.
For confirming what I have been thinking, and condemning myself for, for the past month and a half.
For being true to yourself and what you actually needed and didn't get and not just saying "weeeeellllll, she was ok I guess, I wouldn't hire her again but she was probably ok" when what you might have really wanted to do was slap me and scream in my face.
Thank you for saying you weren't happy with me so that I can make changes, not only in how I provide support as a backup doula but also so that I can now put things in place to work with my colleagues and meet with their clients before the birth so we can, hopefully, know ahead of time if I'm not the right backup to be called in for that particular client.
You're an amazing person, and it was an honor to be able to provide what support I could for you even though we weren't the right fit.
​Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Does any of this resonate with you? Want to work with me on your pre-birth mindset? Send a message to arrange a no obligation interview to find out if I'm the right doula for you!
0 Comments

    Author

    Jenna Edgley is a Certified Birth Doula, a Placenta Encapsulator, a student of both Childbirth Education and Rebozo practitioner training, a mum of 3 children, a small business owner, a potty mouth, a wine drinker (Moscato all the way!) & a self-admitted coffee addict.
    Gemstones are her weak point - the shinier and pointier the better! And she collects them with the same dedicated passion that she applies to Pregnancy and Birth Support.

    Archives

    January 2021
    December 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    December 2016
    May 2016
    September 2015
    July 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    September 2013
    August 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012

    Categories

    All
    Baby
    Baby Shower
    Big Baby
    Birth
    Birth Trauma
    Caesarean
    Cesarean
    Client
    Disrespect From Care Providers
    Doctors
    Doing What Youre Told
    Doula
    Empowering
    Encapsulation
    Epidural
    Equality
    First Birth
    Gifts
    Glucose
    Hemorrhage
    Hiring A Doula
    Homebirth
    Induction
    Interview
    Justice
    Labour
    Macrosomia
    Meconium
    Meconium Aspiration
    Mums
    Mums To Be
    Mums-To-Be
    Myths
    New Mums
    Nutrients
    Obstetric Violence
    Placenta
    Post Partum
    Post Partum Depression
    PPD
    Pregnancy
    Pregnancy Loss
    PTSD
    Quit Smoking
    Risks
    Rupture
    Smoking
    Statistics
    Stillbirth
    Take Charge
    Trauma
    Trauma From A Cesarean
    Unequality
    Vaginal Birth
    Vaginal Birth After A Cesarean
    Vaginal Birth After Birth Trauma
    VBAC
    What Is It
    What To Do
    Why

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.